hANDLE.bOY.pROJECT: April 2006

Sunday, April 16, 2006

DEATH week

a good observation by tan li on death week. - it could have been planned.

*everyone gasps in horror.*

i mean it doesn't take the genius in the previous post to realise that death week is a big conspiracy.how can 10 tests (so i've heard?) fall on one single week? 2 test a day? are u f**king insane?ok i admit that i didn't hand up some of my homework. well most of it actually. but please spare us from eternal condemnation of vivas. i already have one. not counting physics. perhaps the main conspirator is *ahem* and *ahem* is taking revenge for the joke we made.please make arrangements for your early burial, and if you haven't written your will, write it NOW. or some guy named royston might just steal your 5 bucks.So...whose up for dota on death week?

May the genius of Zhao Ye be with us all.

Saturday, April 15, 2006

einstein might be smart, but his handwriting sure sucks

Einstein may be smart, but he sure has bad handwriting.

Shit Happens, according to various World Religions

Warning: the following joke is not suitable for people who cannot laugh at anything religious.
via anantya

Taoism: Shit happens
Hare krishna: Shit happens Rama Rama Ding Ding
Hinduism: This shit has happened before
Islam: That shit happens is the will of Allah
Zen: What is the sound of shit happening?
Existentialism: Shit doesn't happen; shit is
Buddhism: When shit happens, is it really shit?
Confucianism: Confucius say, "Shit happens"
7th day Adventist: Shit happens on Saturdays
Protestantism: Shit won't happen if I work harder
Protestantism: If shit happens, it happens to someone else
Catholicism: If shit happens, you deserved it
Jehovah's Witnesses: Knock, knock, "Shit happens"
Jehovah's Witnesses: No shit happens until Armaggedon
Unitarian: What is this shit?
Mormon: Shit happens again & again & again
Judaism: Oy vey! Why does this shit always happen to us?
Pentacostalism: Praise the shit!
Atheism: There is no shit!
New Age: Shit happens and it happens to smell good
Rastafarianism: Let's smoke this shit

I wonder if there's a hidden message?

OH that's what she means. wait, isn't that bad?

Found this list of rejection lines from Charlotte's web.

The "brother" and the "friends" lines sure bring back many a bad memory from teenagehood. Excuse me while I go to one corner and weep...sob:

Not familiar with rejection lines? Here's what we really mean. So get a hint, ok, guys? Seesh.
10. I think of you as a brother. (You remind me of that f**king pest. And I'm not into incest either.)

9. There's a slight difference in our ages. (You are one jurassic geezer.)

8. I'm not attracted to you in 'that' way. (You are the ugliest freak I've ever laid eyes upon.)

7. My life is too complicated right now. (I don't want you spending the whole night or else you may hear phone calls from all the other guys I'm seeing.)

6. I've got a boyfriend (He's my male cat and a half gallon of Ben and Jerry's).

5. I don't date men where I work. (Actually, I wouldn't even date you if you were in the same 'solar system', much less the same building.)

4. It's not you, it's me. (It's not me, it's you.)

3. I'm concentrating on my career. (Even something as boring and unfulfilling as my job is better than dating you.)

2. I'm celibate. (I've sworn off only the men like you.)

1. Let's be friends. (I want you to stay around so I can tell you in excruciating detail about all the other men I meet and have fun with. It's that male perspective thing)

makes things so much clearer, right all my sisters and friends?

Bad hair day

A woman went to her doctor for a followup visit after the doctor had prescribed testosterone (a male hormone) for her. She was a little worried about some of the side effects she was experiencing.
"Doctor, the hormones you've been giving me have really helped, but I'm afraid that you're giving me too much. I've started growing hair in places that I've never grown hair before."

The doctor reassured her. "A little hair growth is a perfectly normal side effect of testosterone. Just where has this hair appeared?"

"On my balls."